Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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