I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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