If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
