Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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