I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize