the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
