If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
