And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
