so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
