so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
They are going to name an STD after you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
