Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have fence marks all over my body
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
