Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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