Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize