I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
