By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
