How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
