his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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