Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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