Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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