Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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