pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize