if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
