I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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