She is in my trunk
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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