It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
