His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No subtext here. People are naked.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think a kid would responsible me up
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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