The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
