we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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