the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
