Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
