we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
