T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
