I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
