just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
