Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
