puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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