worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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