This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No subtext here. People are naked.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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