spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
