girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
