no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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