I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
