Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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