My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
