i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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