So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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