just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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