I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
