Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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