I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i barfeds in our rink
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
