he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
