I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
