so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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