i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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