You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize