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I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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