So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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