She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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