i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
