as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize