I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
