yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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