im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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