my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
