he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
