I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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