youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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