i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In other news, I just burned my penis
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
