i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
