Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
FUCK WHALES
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
