I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Blow job season was short but glorious.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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