I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
