i jhust puked up my retainher.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
