he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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