Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
