I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
