I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
