Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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