Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm going to jail i love you
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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