awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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