I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
