No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
